This week had been a living hell for me. Within a day, I lost all my will to communicate with people. I hate the idea of large groups because that means pretending to be okay when I am not. I take this chance to apologize to anybody whom I’ve offended during this period!
With time and the strong support from my friends, I’m still trying my best to get out of this “hell” and enjoy my remaining time in Korea. Two months is all I’ve got now.
Life is so short, so I thought, what do I have to lose? I confessed my feelings. Just like a blind sheep, I slowly fell in a thing called love.
And now, out of love.
Was it a crush I fell too deep? Was it because the timing was bad? Maybe the circumstances just didn’t fit. Or maybe it was nothing to begin with. So many questions filled my mind but I didn’t have an answer. No answer.
The pain was agonizing, as though my heart was kicking my chest repeatedly. I spent endless days and nights choking on my own tears, drank and ate as much as I could, left early from a supposedly 3D2N holiday…. Nights became so long because I couldn’t sleep well. I just wished everything could be the same again.
And no doubt, every little memory of him made me so spiteful. Who does he think he is to take my heart and then trample all over me? I was angry, upset, rude and said many hurtful words. I thought, he deserved it.
But after thinking through, I realized how regretful I was.
Out of so many billion people in this world, how much fate does it takes for two people to get on the same boat? Even though it was not meant to be from the start, but at least there was something special worth remembering. Even though it was so short-lived, it was beautiful. Instead of resentment, I should be thankful for all the moments we shared because nobody but ourselves will understand.
It’s only when you lose someone, then you realized the importance of that particular person. I can go on about telling how much I missed him. How much I wished everything could be the same. But I know that things wouldn’t change anymore. All I could do now is to embrace what’s left. Deep inside, I still hope that he could tell me how good or bad his day was. I still hope that he would turn to me whenever he has problems. And most importantly, I hope he will never forget me as friend because I am still here and I would never turn him away.
For now, I am happy. I am happy that our path were once aligned and I am thankful I met him. He taught me hope, patience, how to love fearlessly, and many many more… I’ve learnt so much and overtime, I’m sure I will emerge as stronger and better person.
At the end of the day, I hope that today is going better for you than it is for me. I hope you find what works for you and I wish you happiness you’ll ever need to get by. Even though it’s time for us to say goodbye, you will always have a special place in my heart and I’ll always treasure what we used to have.